Your Own Rights

What does the Bible have to say about your rights?  It says to never insist on them when it comes to love.  God made us to have our own will.  He wants us to follow His will because it always brings blessing and increase, but He will never force His will on us. This is the nature of God.  So now that we are born again and have the nature of God on the inside of us, we are able to love God's way.  That's what the love scriptures in 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 tell us: how to love God's way.  It wouldn't be there if it weren't possible.

Not insisting on our own rights goes against human nature for us.  But thankfully, we also have a new nature - God's nature.  It doesn't mean that the moment we became born again our old nature disappeared.  No, we must overcome that old nature with a renewed way of thinking and realize all that is within us.  The Greater One is on the inside of us.  We have to draw it out so others can see it.  We do this by changing the way we speak and think.  We must know that what the Bible tells about us is true.

Let's go to a somewhat controversial scripture in the Bible.  It is only controversial because many people take it out of context and they try to make it fit a situation that has no God in it.  Ephesians 5:22 says:

Wives, be subject (be submissive and adapt yourselves) to your own husbands as [a service] to the Lord.

This does not say "Wives, be a doormat for your husband and do everything he says even if it is vile and not of the Lord."

What this verse does say is to be adaptable to your husband.  Remember that God did not intend to have our husbands to be exactly like us and it is not our responsibility to try to make them just like us.  They are different for a reason.  If they were the same, then one of us is not necessary.  But I know if we will think carefully, we would find many strengths in our husbands that we ourselves do not possess and vice versa.  We are to take pleasure in each others strengths for a mutually beneficial outcome, not to compete or say "my way or the highway!"

Adapting yourself to your husband creates peace.  It creates an atmosphere of cooperativeness.  Once you determine what helps him best flow in life, you can adapt the household needs around it to create a better and more efficient way to get things done. 

For example, when your husband comes home from work and needs to unwind by watching the news, give him that time before tasking him with taking out the trash, helping with the kids, and whatever plans you have for him.  It seems small but it gives him time to prepare for the many things to do. 

When applying the "submit" verse, you must always review the verse preceding it, 21:

Be subject to one another out of reverence to Christ.

So the Bible never tells us it is a one way street, wives not only have to be subject to their husbands, but we must be subject to each other.  But you will never get anywhere in your marriage by trying to make your husband be subject to you by insisting on your own rights.  It is not done in love.  It can't be because the Bible clearly states Love does not insist on its own rights (I Corinthians 13:5).

© 2011 Michelle Serna

Confessions Over Your Spouse

Insert your spouse's name in each blank.  Confess over your spouse whenever you are tempted to think on negative things about your spouse.  While everyone has their own will, when you pray the Word of God over them (earnestly and sincerely), there is tremedous power made available for them to choose the Word of God (James 5:16b).

I surround ________ in faith and love.

I thank you Father that:

• I have peace in my mind and home
• __________ loves to serve You
• __________ has a call on his life and he is consistently and persistently moving toward it
• __________ has a heart for You and Your purpose
• __________ never gives up on that which is right and of excellence.
• __________ has a sound mind and has great peace (2 Tim. 1:7)
• __________ is found perfect and complete in all Your will and Your plan (Col 4:12)
• __________’s love abounds more and more in knowledge and in all judgment (Phil. 1:9)
• __________ approves things that are excellent (Phil. 1:10)
• __________ is sincere and without offence (Phil. 1:10)
• __________ is filled with the fruits of righteousness (Phil. 1:11)
• __________ is strengthened with might in his inner man (Eph. 3:16)
• You make __________ to increase his love toward me and all men (1 Thes. 3:12)
• Jesus is glorified in __________ (2 Thes. 1:12)
• __________ is rooted and grounded in love (Eph.  3:17)
• __________ has a spirit of wisdom and revelation in the knowledge of You and __________’s eyes are open to that he know the hope of Your calling and his inheritance in the saints and __________ knows Your exceeding power working in him (Eph 1:16-19)

Love is Not Rude

Do you tolerate complete strangers being rude to you or your family?    I know I don’t.  How about if your kids are rude to you?  You better not tolerate it or you will have a heap of trouble as they grow older.

How is it then we feel perfectly okay with being rude to our husband?  Verse 5 says love “is not rude (unmannerly) and does not act unbecomingly.

Look up "rude" in the dictionary and you find: disrespectful, offensive, bad-mannered and vulgar.  Now ask yourself if you would like others to be disrespectful, offensive, bad-mannered and vulgar to you.  I know, I know, it sneaks up on you.  Certainly you did not attract your husband by being all these things.  Now we just have to "catch" ourselves in the act and ask for the help of the Holy Spirit to keep you from saying the first rude thing that comes to your mind.

"But I don't want to be a doormat.  He says the same things and worse to me!” you might say.  I realize that and it doesn't make logical sense, however, you will find the less often you engage in these "unprofitable" discussions, the less often they will happen.  Your husband will start to notice a change in you.

Let's look at Ephesians 4:29 (Amplified)

Let no foul or polluting language, nor evil word nor unwholesome or worthless talk [ever] come out of your mouth, but only such [speech] as is good and beneficial to the spiritual progress of others, as is fitting to the need and the occasion, that it may be a blessing and give grace (God's favor) to those who hear it.

            So you need to always line up what comes out of your mouth with what the bible says.  Is what is coming out of your mouth beneficial to your husband?  Will it help his spiritual progress?  Does it give blessings and grace?  If not, it should not be said to him or about him.

© 2011 Michelle Serna

Love is Not Boastful

Looking further into 1 Corinthians 13, verse 4 we see that love is not boastful.  This is so important in a marriage.  Marriage was meant to be a completion of each other not a competition.  Have you ever found yourself saying to your spouse “Didn’t I tell you that was going to happen?”  In a way, this is boasting.  You may feel angry as you say it thinking why didn’t he just listen to me, but what your husband is hearing is “I’m smarter than you and I’m better than you and you can’t ever do anything right so just don’t try!”

            Now does it sound like boasting?  So many times we say mean things to each other and we don’t realize we are saying it just so we can look better than the other person.  We do it not only with our husband but can tend to do it with everyone unless we keep that in check.  It is a subconscious thing.  If you look carefully at kids, they do it all the time because they are trying to gain acceptance and acknowledgment and we have taught them they can get that by knowing a lot of stuff and knowing it well (school).

Here’s another example of boasting.  You are at work or at lunch with your girlfriends and you start “telling” on your spouse.  “I can’t believe how dumb he is.  I told him it wouldn’t work but he just had to do it!”  Here you are trying to get agreement from your friends about how much smarter and better you are than your husband.  This is not going to improve your marriage but instead just assist in furthering it down the road to divorce.  You must watch what you say over your spouse (more on that in a later blog).

I have to remind my kids about this frequently.  I tell them to not say mean things to or about each other because all they are trying do is make themselves look better so they can feel better about themselves when in reality, it just makes them look worse.  Keep that in mind the next time you want to say something to or about your husband.  Are you just being boastful?  Let’s just choose love instead.

© 2011 Michelle Serna

Love - Patience

The first thing we see in verse 4 of 1 Corinthians 13 is that “Love endures long and is patient and kind.” 

You might say “What? Are you serious?  I am way past ‘patient’ in this marriage and as far as ‘kind’ is concerned, when was the last time he was kind to me?”  Yeah, this scripture sounds great printed in beautiful calligraphy and framed on my wall in my house, but actually doing it?  That’s a whole different matter!

Patience has to be developed.  It doesn’t just come overnight.  Maybe you have children.  Do you remember as just an infant how inpatient they became if they didn’t have food right away?  But hopefully they don’t stay that way.  You teach them to develop their patience and wait for their food to be prepared and served.  What would you think to see your grown child drive up to a restaurant and just start crying and screaming for food?  As foolish as this is to imagine, we have at times become so impatient with our husbands, we don’t even try to put any restraint on it.

It takes renewing your mind with the Word of God to help you develop patience.  It takes reminding yourself of what He gave to you already when His Son died for you.  Look at Romans 15:5 (Amplified):

Now may the God Who gives the power of patient endurance (steadfastness) and Who supplies encouragement, grant you to live in such mutual harmony and such full sympathy with one another, in accord with Christ Jesus.

You must remind yourself of what our Heavenly Father gave us: the power of patient endurance and encouragement.  “Thank you Father for giving me the patience to deal with this situation and the endurance to handle other situations that arise so that I may live in mutual harmony with my husband.  Thank you for supplying me with encouragement as I am led by the Holy Spirit in this situation.”

© 2011 Michelle Serna

LOVE:Biblical Love

       What does the Word say about love? Most people are familiar with the “love” scriptures in 1 Corinthians 13:4-8, but let’s take a closer look.  We will notice this is not the only area of the Bible that talks about love, but it helps us see what love should look like and act like.  Earlier in that same chapter in verse 1 (New King James Version) it states, “Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I have become a sounding brass or a clanging cymbal.”  So it doesn’t matter if we do everything by the “book” or everything your mother told you to do or everything “right”; without love, it will just sound like noise.  1 Corinthians 13:4-8 (Amplified Version) says:

⁴ Love endures long and is patient and kind; love never is envious nor boils over with jealousy, is not boastful or vainglorious, does not display itself haughtily. ⁵ It is not conceited (arrogant and inflated with pride); it is not rude (unmannerly) and does not act unbecomingly. Love (God's love in us) does not insist on its own rights or its own way, for it is not self-seeking; it is not touchy or fretful or resentful; it takes no account of the evil done to it [it pays no attention to a suffered wrong].  ⁶ It does not rejoice at injustice and unrighteousness, but rejoices when right and truth prevail.   ⁷ Love bears up under anything and everything that comes, is ever ready to believe the best of every person, its hopes are fadeless under all circumstances, and it endures everything [without weakening]. ⁸ Love never fails [never fades out or becomes obsolete or comes to an end]. As for prophecy ([a]the gift of interpreting the divine will and purpose), it will be fulfilled and pass away; as for tongues, they will be destroyed and cease; as for knowledge, it will pass away [it will lose its value and be superseded by truth].

The Amplified Version of these scriptures is my favorite because it seems to make these scriptures very clear and easy to understand. 

In the following blogs, we will discuss each element of love as described in the above verses and how to implement in your marriage.

It’s very important to note that God does not ask us to do anything we are not able to do.  He put that love in us, so we can develop it and draw it out and we can have the kind of love these scriptures are talking about!  Really!
© 2011 Michelle Serna

LOVE - God’s Love Versus Man’s Love

When we say we love our husband or love our children, it seems to stem from emotion.  Emotional love is selfish.  It meets an emotional desire and if it is not returned with love, it disappears.  Natural love is always asking for something in return. 

God’s love is unconditional.  He gave it to us freely.  It is part of our salvation.  It belongs to us.  So now we have the ability to love like God loves us.  Romans 5:5 (KJV) says “…the love of God is shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Spirit which is given to us.” We have to choose to love like God loves us.  It’s a choice, not a feeling.  We choose to love even when we don’t feel like it or when someone doesn’t return our natural love.

“But it’s hard!” you might say.  That’s why this scripture says the love was given to us by the Holy Spirit.  If it was given to us by the Holy Spirit, surely He must help us when things seem hard.  The Holy Spirit is our helper.

Romans 8:26 says “Likewise the Spirit also helpeth our infirmities…”  Another definition of infirmities is weakness.  When we are weak, God is strong.  Don’t rely on your own strength to desire to love when your husband is unlovely. Your side is only to choose to love and God’s side is to help you do the actual loving.  You need only remember Romans 5:5 and pray, “Lord, your Word says Your love is shed abroad in my heart, therefore I know I have the God kind of love in me so I choose to love my husband even though his love seems unreturned.  I don’t feel like loving him today but I know your Word says that the Holy Spirit will help me to walk in love.  I thank you for the Holy Spirit’s help today as I endeavor to be sweet toward my husband.  I choose to look at my husband through your eyes and see him as the one Your precious Son died for.  I surround my husband in faith and love.  Thank you Father.” 

A few minutes later, you may again begin to feel like you can’t love your husband.  Just bring to mind what you prayed to the Father and say, “Thank you for the Holy Spirit help to help me walk in love towards my husband.  I believe what the Word says belongs to me.  And I believe the Holy Spirit is my helper.  Thank you, Father, for the Holy Spirit help.” 

Begin to praise Him.  Get out of your head and into your heart where the love of God resides.  Empty your mind of all negative thoughts and fill it with praises.  Remind yourself of God’s love towards you and that He only wants what is best for you.  A sweet marriage is the will of God.  He wants you to have peace in your home.

You will begin to see that what seemed impossible becomes not only possible, but light and easy, when you ask for the help of the Holy Spirit.

© 2011 Michelle Serna